← Back to Derangement Studies
CrowU Labs • Instrument #001

TDS Self-Assessment Instrument

Unofficial & Mildly Concerned Edition
Entertainment only. Not valid for diagnosis, licensing, dinner-table arguments, or cable-news auditions.
Reminder: Derangement is nonpartisan. Symptoms may rotate seasonally.

Questions

  1. When you see a headline containing a certain three-letter name, your pulse:
  2. You have ever:
  3. During conversations, you:
  4. Your phone contains:
  5. At social gatherings, you:
  6. When someone disagrees with you, you:
  7. You believe:
  8. Your emotional recovery time after political news is:

Scoring (Entirely Non-Scientific)

Mostly first answers: Mild Exposure. Continue hydration.

Mostly second answers: Elevated Engagement. You may still maintain friendships.

Mostly third answers: Advanced Symptomatology. Eligible for Outrage Endurance coursework.

Mostly fourth answers: Field Research Candidate. Report for supervised de-escalation exercises.