Crow University has formally established the Department of Derangement Sciences to study modern outrage dynamics, conversational instability, and the strange comfort many people find in being absolutely certain at full volume.
Foundational Clarification
At Crow University, we do not have students who believe they are literal crows. Some may have the last name Crow. None have beaks. None have feathers.
The Department of Derangement Sciences studies what happens when metaphor becomes identity, when performance becomes reality, and when conviction outruns observable fact.
Biology remains stubborn. Physics remains undefeated.
Expanded Scope of Study
Derangement is not limited to politics. We examine any self-reinforcing belief loop where certainty escalates, nuance evaporates, and contradiction becomes optional.
Politics is one lab. Culture is another. The internet is the shared ventilation system. Yes — even the furiously studied varieties.
Programs & Tracks
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Trump Derangement Studies (TDS) – Reflexive outrage responses triggered by the mention, image, or discussion of a specific political figure.
Laboratory Instrument #001: TDS Self-Assessment - Reverse Derangement Studies (RDS) – Defensive ideological rigidity, loyalty reflexes, and selective perception mechanics.
- Narrative Fog Studies (NFS) – Advanced training in confusion creation, context drift, and headline hypnosis.
Degree Ladder
The Department of Derangement Sciences offers a structured academic progression for those committed to the serious study of outrage mechanics and ideological rigidity.
- Associate of Derangement Studies (A.D.S.) – Foundational certification in reflexive response patterns, symbolic triggers, and introductory outrage conditioning.
- Bachelor of Derangement Sciences (B.D.S.) – Structured study of narrative escalation, certainty amplification, and selective perception mechanics.
- Master of Advanced Derangement Theory (M.A.D.T.) – Graduate-level analysis of emotional contagion, digital reinforcement loops, and sustained indignation frameworks.
- Doctor of Derangement Philosophy (Ph.D.S.) – Terminal recognition for maintaining unwavering certainty independent of contradictory inputs.
Issue / Gift a Credential
To issue (or gift) a credential, go to the Order Page, enter your name and email, and in the notes write the full credential name you want issued, for example:
- Associate of Derangement Studies (A.D.S.)
- Bachelor of Derangement Sciences (B.D.S.)
- Master of Advanced Derangement Theory (M.A.D.T.)
- Doctor of Derangement Philosophy (Ph.D.S.)
Trump Derangement Studies (TDS)
Program Overview
TDS examines the reflexive emotional-response loop in which the mention of a single political figure produces immediate escalation, certainty hardening, and spontaneous historical comparisons at unsafe speeds.
Track Skills
- Trigger Recognition – Identification of terms, images, and headlines that initiate rapid outrage response.
- Narrative Compression – Training in reducing complex events to a single morally perfect sentence.
- Context Avoidance – Advanced skill in ignoring contradictory information without breaking stride.
- Certainty Amplification – Methods for upgrading opinions into moral absolutes.
- Emergency Comparison Workshop – Responsible handling of dramatic analogies (protective gloves recommended).
Core Modules
- Headline Physiology – The measurable impact of scrolling on cortisol, posture, and punctuation choice.
- Algorithmic Reinforcement – How engagement loops convert mild annoyance into a personality.
- Panel-Yelling Practicum – A supervised lab for high-volume discourse with low information density.
- Screenshot Evidence Methods – Selecting, cropping, and presenting proof to win an argument you already won in your head.
- Selective Memory Lab – Removing prior statements from recall to preserve moral clarity.
Capstone Requirement
Students must complete a final project demonstrating the ability to maintain unwavering certainty for a full 72-hour news cycle, while remaining immune to nuance, context, and follow-up questions.
- Option A: Publish a 12-paragraph thread with at least three “I’m done” endings.
- Option B: Deliver a 4-minute monologue that begins with “I don’t even care anymore” and continues anyway.
- Option C: Produce a family-group-chat statement that causes at least two people to leave the chat (voluntarily).
External Research
Optional reading for those who enjoy field glossaries and evolving terminology.
- The TDS Urban Dictionary by Don Thompson, B.S., Crow University — An evolving field glossary tracking the shifting definitions and cultural mutations of TDS. View on Facebook
How Degrees Are Awarded
All degrees follow the Graduation Criteria outlined on the Graduation Criteria page. There are no classes, no exams, and no homework. Meeting the Criteria generally involves (1) existing, (2) asking, and (3) not turning this into anything remotely official.
Novelty Certificate Disclaimer
These highly coveted certificates — and any degree titles — are for entertainment only. They are not intended for, nor may they be used in, any scheme, scam, shenanigan, hoodwink, bamboozle, or act of dishonesty. Use them entirely at your own risk. Nothing here is implied, unimplied, promised, guaranteed, warranted, certified, notarized, blessed, sanctified, or even mildly suggested. Crow University accepts no responsibility for any trouble, confusion, global destabilization, identity crises, or awkward family gatherings resulting from misuse.
Furthermore, no creatures—living, inanimate, or conceptually baffling—including puppies, kittens, crows, sloths (regardless of toe count), dolphins, garden gnomes, pandas, giraffes, gazelles, pelicans, or any being possessing (or notably lacking) feathers, fins, fur, or scales, were in any way harmed, annoyed, ordained, consulted, absolved, given existential dread, or emotionally impacted during the creation of this website or its documents.
